The Longest Song Wiki
(Created page with ""Hoist up the Thing" is the first track on the album ''Cures What Ails Ya''. ==Lyrics== <blockquote> Fresh out of college, with grades straight from Hell,<br />  I browsed ...")
 
(Minor lyrics corrections, added credit to Robbie for writing)
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"Hoist up the Thing" is the first track on the album ''Cures What Ails Ya''.
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"Hoist up the Thing" is the first track on the 2020 album ''Cures What Ails Ya''. Written by Robbie Sattin, this is a Longest Johns Original.
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  +
It weaves a comedic story of an inexperienced fraud posing as a sea captain to hilarious effect.
   
 
==Lyrics==
 
==Lyrics==
 
<blockquote>
 
<blockquote>
Fresh out of college, with grades straight from Hell,<br /
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Fresh out of college, with grades straight from Hell,<br> 
I browsed for a trade in which I could excel.<br /
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I browsed for a trade at which I could excel.<br> 
An ad for a ship in need of some manning,<br /
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An ad for a ship in need of some manning,<br> 
Men sails on purpose, but lacking a captain.<br /
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Men, sails, and purpose, but lacking a captain.<br> 
 
<br> 
 
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What luck, says I, to find such good fortune!<br> 
<br /
 
What luck, says I, to find such good fortune?<br /
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A few white lies later, I ran down the pier.<br> 
A few white lies later I ran down the pier.<br /
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Bought me a coat and a cutlass or two,<br> 
Bought me a coat and a cutlass or two,<br /
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Jumped on the deck, and I yelled at the crew:<br> 
 
<br> 
Jumped on the deck, and I yelled at the crew:<br /> 
 
 
{Chorus}<br> 
 
 
Hoist up the thing! Batten down the whatsit!<br>
<br /
 
 
What's that thing spinning? Somebody should stop it!<br>
{Chorus}<br /
 
 
Turn hard to port! (That's not port?) Now I've got it!<br>
“Hoist up the thing, ba’en down the whatsit.<br /> 
 
 
Trust me, I'm in control!<br>
What’s that thing spinning? Somebody should stop it.<br /> 
 
 
<br> 
Turn hard to port.” (“That’s not port.”) “Now I’ve got it!<br /> 
 
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I can’t sing the shanties, it has to be said,<br> 
Trust me, I’m in control.”<br /> 
 
 
And all of that grog just goes right to my head.<br> 
 
 
Whale meat is gross and I miss a girl’s laugh.<br> 
<br /
 
I can’t sing the shanties, it has to be said,<br /
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Five weeks at sea, even Dave seems a catch!<br> 
 
<br> 
And all of that grog just goes right to my head.<br /
 
 
{Chorus}<br> 
Whale meat is gross and I miss a girl’s laugh.<br /
 
 
<br> 
Five weeks at sea, even Dave seems a catch!<br /> 
 
 
We’ve hit icy waters, no land to be seen.<br> 
 
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The food’s getting low and the beer has gone green.<br> 
<br /
 
 
There’s murmurs of discontent under the deck.<br> 
{Chorus}<br /
 
  +
If I don’t act fast, it could be my neck!<br> 
 
<br /
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<br> 
 
So pull up the charts and those weird gold machines<br> 
We’ve hit icy waters, no land to be seen.<br /
 
The food’s getting low and the beer has gone green.<br /
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I see what it says but no clue what it means!<br> 
 
Just pull on some levers and yank on some chains,<br> 
There’s murmurs of discontent under the deck.<br /
 
If I don’t act fast, it could be my neck!<br /
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Feign a bad back til we’ve landed again.<br> 
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<br> 
 
<br /
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{Chorus x3}<br> 
  +
<br>
So pull up the charts and those weird gold machines<br /
 
  +
(Final Chorus)<br>
I see what it says but no clue what it means!<br /> 
 
  +
Hoist up the thing! Batten down the whatsit! (Huh?)<br>
Just pull on some levers and yank on some chains,<br /
 
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What's that thing spinning? Somebody should stop it! (BLOODY HELL!)<br>
Feign a bad back til we’ve landed again.<br /> 
 
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Turn hard to port! (This is SHERRY!) Now I've got it! (Screaming) <br>
 
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Trust me, I'm in control! (MOMMY)<br>
<br /
 
{Chorus x4}<br /> 
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<br>
Trust me I’m in control.<br /> 
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Trust me, I'm in control!<br>
  +
<br>
 
 
 
 
 
</blockquote>
 
</blockquote>
   
 
[[Category:Songs]]
 
[[Category:Songs]]
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[[Category:TLJ Original]]
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[[Category:Robbie songs]]
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[[Category:Cures What Ails Ya(Album)]]

Revision as of 08:30, 10 June 2020

"Hoist up the Thing" is the first track on the 2020 album Cures What Ails Ya. Written by Robbie Sattin, this is a Longest Johns Original.

It weaves a comedic story of an inexperienced fraud posing as a sea captain to hilarious effect.

Lyrics

Fresh out of college, with grades straight from Hell,
  I browsed for a trade at which I could excel.
  An ad for a ship in need of some manning,
  Men, sails, and purpose, but lacking a captain.
 
  What luck, says I, to find such good fortune!
  A few white lies later, I ran down the pier.
  Bought me a coat and a cutlass or two,
  Jumped on the deck, and I yelled at the crew:
 
  {Chorus}
  Hoist up the thing! Batten down the whatsit!
What's that thing spinning? Somebody should stop it!
Turn hard to port! (That's not port?) Now I've got it!
Trust me, I'm in control!

  I can’t sing the shanties, it has to be said,
  And all of that grog just goes right to my head.
  Whale meat is gross and I miss a girl’s laugh.
  Five weeks at sea, even Dave seems a catch!
 
  {Chorus}
 
  We’ve hit icy waters, no land to be seen.
  The food’s getting low and the beer has gone green.
  There’s murmurs of discontent under the deck.
  If I don’t act fast, it could be my neck!
 
  So pull up the charts and those weird gold machines
  I see what it says but no clue what it means!
  Just pull on some levers and yank on some chains,
  Feign a bad back til we’ve landed again.
 
  {Chorus x3}
 
(Final Chorus)
Hoist up the thing! Batten down the whatsit! (Huh?)
What's that thing spinning? Somebody should stop it! (BLOODY HELL!)
Turn hard to port! (This is SHERRY!) Now I've got it! (Screaming)
Trust me, I'm in control! (MOMMY)

Trust me, I'm in control!