Changes: Got No Beard

Revision as of 02:45, 24 May 2022

This song debuted during the February 2020 livestream where it was announced to be one of the new tracks on a forthcoming album. It was released as the 11th track on the 2020 album Cures What Ails Ya.

It was written as a mockery of the tendency for shanty singers to have to face criticism about their appearance, and the numerous outlandish qualifiers for being a member of a shanty band. Dave Robinson and Robbie Sattin wrote the song as a collaborative effort and as such it is a Longest Johns original.

Factoids

The call back of "big chest!" is very likely a reference to the chorus of traditional folk song "Big Man Sylvest", which often relies upon the audience to shout "big chest" after the line "A row of forty medals on his chest."

Lyrics

As listed in the Cures What Ails Ya album sleeve.

I once met a man who said he was a fan
He wanted to sing in my shanty band
But the bottom of his face looked weird (so weird!)
There was skin on his chin that I loathed and feared
From his crown to ear he was most sincere
But you can't sing shanties if you've got no beard!

(Chorus)
Got no beard, you got no beard
You can't sing shanties if you've got no beard
Got no beard, you got no beard
You can't sing shanties if you got no beard

I once met a gal who'd heard sea songs
She came to the show and she sung along
But her timing with a shout was slow (so slow!)
She was graced with a face like the morning glow
But her holler was a blow from the very front row
Said you can't sing shanties if you can't shout Ho!

(Chorus)
Can't shout ho, you can't shout ho
You can't sing shanties if you can't shout ho
Can't shout ho, you can't shout ho
You can't sing shanties if you can't shout ho
And you got no beard

I once met a guy on a weird machine
Had wheels and a bell, no mast to be seen
He was shouting from a pad of notes (no notes!)
And the wheels got caught on his overcoat
And he fell from the pier clawing at his throat
Oh you can't sing shanties if you don't own a boat

(Chorus)
Don't own a boat, you don't own a boat
You can't sing shanties if you don't own a boat
Don't own a boat, you don't own a boat
You can't sing shanties if you don't own a boat
And you can't shout ho
And you got no beard

I once met a bloke on a tavern floor
He'd had ten beers but I'd had ten more
And his piggy little face was pink, (so pink!)
He tried to shout the words but all out of sync
With a voice so bad it'll make you think
That you can't sing shanties if you can't hold your drink

(Chorus)
Can't hold your drink, you can't hold your drink
You can't sing shanties if you can't hold your drink
Can't hold your drink you can't hold your drink
You can't sing shanties if you can't hold your drink
And you don't own a boat
And you can't shout ho
And you got no beard

I once met a sailor all big and broad
With an eye-patch, parrot, and a long curved sword
Had a chest like a powder keg (big chest!)
But he had both shoes and they smelled like eggs
I expect he would look better with a wooden peg
'Cause you can't sing shanties if you've got two legs

(Chorus)
Got two legs, you got two legs
You can't sing shanties if you got two legs
Got two legs, you got two legs
You can't sing shanties if you got two legs
And you can't hold your drink
And you don't own a boat
And you can't shout ho
and you got no beard

Well Anna's got no beard
And Dave, he has a bike
Robbie's father-in-law has boats but won't sing on the mic
JD can't shout ho because his wife takes much offense
And Andy's got two beautiful hairy legs

But there's no reason good enough not to join us
So sing along with the very last chorus!

Got no beard, you got no beard
You can't sing shanties if you got no beard
Got no beard, you got no beard
You can't sing shanties if you got no beard
Got no beard, you got no beard
You can't sing shanties if you got no beard
Got no beard, you got no beard
You can't sing shanties if you got no beard
And you've got two legs
And you can't hold your drink
And you don't own a boat
And you can't shout ho
And you got no...
Beard!

@@ Line 1: / Line 1: @@
+{{Infobox song
-This song debuted during the February 2020 livestream where it was announced to be one of the new tracks on a forthcoming album. It became the 11th track on the 2020 album ''[[Cures What Ails Ya (album)|Cures What Ails Ya]]''.
+|title1=Got No Beard
+|image1=Got No Beard - The Longest Johns Music Video
+|origin=TLJ original
+|songwriter=Dave Robinson, Robbie Sattin
+|language=English
+|album=Cures What Ails Ya
+|released=2020
+|lj_lead=shared (alternating verses)
+|key=E
+}}
+This song debuted during the February 2020 livestream where it was announced to be one of the new tracks on a forthcoming album. It was released as the 11th track on the 2020 album [[Cures What Ails Ya]].
-It was written as a mockery of the tendency for shanty singers to have to face criticism about their appearance, and the numerous outlandish qualifiers for being a member of a shanty band. The call back of "Big Chest!" is very likely a reference to the chorus traditional folk song "Big Man Sylvest" which often relies upon the audience to shout "Big Chest" after the line "A row of fourty medals on his chest."
+It was written as a mockery of the tendency for shanty singers to have to face criticism about their appearance, and the numerous outlandish qualifiers for being a member of a shanty band. [[Dave Robinson]] and [[Robbie Sattin]] wrote the song as a collaborative effort and as such it is a [[:Category:Longest Johns Originals | Longest Johns original]].
+==Factoids==
-It was written by [[Dave Robinson]] and [[Robbie Sattin]] as a collaborative effort and as such is a Longest Johns Original.
+The call back of "big chest!" is very likely a reference to the chorus of traditional folk song "Big Man Sylvest", which often relies upon the audience to shout "big chest" after the line "A row of forty medals on his chest."
 ==Lyrics==
+As listed in the <i>Cures What Ails Ya</i> album sleeve.
-These lyrics are based on the version sung by the Longest Johns in their livestream.
 <blockquote>
 I once met a man who said he was a fan<br>
-he wanted to sing in my shanty band <br>
+He wanted to sing in my shanty band <br>
-but the bottom of his face looked weird (SO WEIRD!)<br>
+But the bottom of his face looked weird (so weird!)<br>
 There was skin on his chin that I loathed and feared<br>
-from his crown to ear he was most sincere<br>
+From his crown to ear he was most sincere<br>
-But you can't sing shanties if you got no beard!<br>
+But you can't sing shanties if you've got no beard!<br>
 <br>
 (Chorus)<br>
-Got no beard, you've got no beard!<br>
+Got no beard, you got no beard<br>
-You can't sing shanties if you've got no beard!<br>
+You can't sing shanties if you've got no beard<br>
-Got no beard, you've got no beard!<br>
+Got no beard, you got no beard<br>
-You can't sing shanties if you've got no beard!<br>
+You can't sing shanties if you got no beard<br>
 <br>
-I once met a girl who heard sea songs<br>
+I once met a gal who'd heard sea songs<br>
-she came to the show and she sang along<br>
+She came to the show and she sung along<br>
-but the timing of the shout was slow (SO SLOW!)<br>
+But her timing with a shout was slow (so slow!)<br>
-So graced with a face like the morning glow <br>
+She was graced with a face like the morning glow <br>
-But her holler was a blow from the very front row said: <br>
+But her holler was a blow from the very front row<br>
-You can't sing shanties if you can't shout: 'HO'!<br>
+Said you can't sing shanties if you can't shout Ho!<br>
 <br>
 (Chorus)<br>
-Can't shout 'ho!', can't shout 'ho!',<br>
+Can't shout ho, you can't shout ho<br>
-You can't sing shanties if you can't shout: 'ho'!<br>
+You can't sing shanties if you can't shout ho<br>
-Can't shout 'ho!', can't shout 'ho!',<br>
+Can't shout ho, you can't shout ho<br>
-You can't sing shanties if you can't shout: 'ho'!<br>
+You can't sing shanties if you can't shout ho<br>
-and you've got no beard!<br>
+And you got no beard<br>
 <br>
-I once met a guy on a weird machine, <br>
+I once met a guy on a weird machine<br>
-had wheels and a bell, no mast to be seen<br>
+Had wheels and a bell, no mast to be seen<br>
-He was shouting from a pad of notes (NO NOTES!)<br>
+He was shouting from a pad of notes (no notes!)<br>
-and the wheels got caught on his overcoat <br>
+And the wheels got caught on his overcoat<br>
-and he fell from the pier clawing at his throat<br>
+And he fell from the pier clawing at his throat<br>
-so: you can't sing shanties if you don't own a boat<br>
+Oh you can't sing shanties if you don't own a boat<br>
 <br>
 (Chorus)<br>
-Don't own a boat, you don't own a boat!<br>
+Don't own a boat, you don't own a boat<br>
-You can't sing shanties if you don't own a boat, <br>
+You can't sing shanties if you don't own a boat<br>
-Don't own a boat, you don't own a boat!<br>
+Don't own a boat, you don't own a boat<br>
-You can't sing shanties if you don't own a boat, <br>
+You can't sing shanties if you don't own a boat<br>
-and you can't shout: 'ho!', and you've got no beard!<br>
+And you can't shout ho<br>
+And you got no beard<br>
 <br>
-I once met a bloke on a tavern floor,<br>
+I once met a bloke on a tavern floor<br>
-he'd had ten beers but i had ten more,<br>
+He'd had ten beers but I'd had ten more<br>
-And his piggy little face was pink, (SO PINK!)<br>
+And his piggy little face was pink, (so pink!)<br>
-He tried to shout the words but t'were all out of sync, <br>
+He tried to shout the words but all out of sync<br>
-with a voice so bad it'll make you think that: <br>
+With a voice so bad it'll make you think<br>
-you can't sing shanties if you can't hold your drink.<br>
+That you can't sing shanties if you can't hold your drink<br>
 <br>
 (Chorus)<br>
-Can't hold your drink, you can't hold a drink<br>
+Can't hold your drink, you can't hold your drink<br>
 You can't sing shanties if you can't hold your drink<br>
-Can't hold your drink you can't hold a drink<br>
+Can't hold your drink you can't hold your drink<br>
 You can't sing shanties if you can't hold your drink<br>
-and you don't own a boat, and you can't shout: 'ho!'<br>
+And you don't own a boat<br>
-and you've got no beard!<br>
+And you can't shout ho<br>
+And you got no beard<br>
 <br>
 I once met a sailor all big and broad<br>
-with an eye-patch, parrot, and a long curved sword,<br>
+With an eye-patch, parrot, and a long curved sword<br>
-Had a chest like a powder keg (BIG CHEST)<br>
+Had a chest like a powder keg (big chest!)<br>
-But he had both shoes and he smelled like eggs,<br>
+But he had both shoes and they smelled like eggs<br>
-I expect he would look better with a wooden peg,<br>
+I expect he would look better with a wooden peg<br>
-'cause you can't sing shanties if you got two legs.<br>
+'Cause you can't sing shanties if you've got two legs<br>
 <br>
 (Chorus)<br>
-Got two legs, you've got two legs,<br>
+Got two legs, you got two legs<br>
-You can't sing shanties if you've got two legs,<br>
+You can't sing shanties if you got two legs<br>
-Got two legs, you've got two legs,<br>
+Got two legs, you got two legs<br>
-You can't sing shanties if you've got two legs,<br>
+You can't sing shanties if you got two legs<br>
-and you can't hold your drink, and you don't own a boat, <br>
+And you can't hold your drink<br>
-and you can't shout 'ho!', and you've got no beard!<br>
+And you don't own a boat<br>
+And you can't shout ho<br>
+and you got no beard<br>
 <br>
--Well Anna's got no beard<br>
+Well Anna's got no beard<br>
---and Dave: he has a bike<br>
+And Dave, he has a bike<br>
----Robbie's father-in-law has boats but won't sing on the mic<br>
+Robbie's father-in-law has boats but won't sing on the mic<br>
----And JD can't shout HO because his wife takes much offense<br>
+JD can't shout ho because his wife takes much offense<br>
----And Andy's got two beautiful hair-ry-LEGS<br>
+And Andy's got two beautiful hairy legs<br>
---BUT. There's no reason good enough not to join us.<br>
--So sing along with the very last CHO-RUS!<br>
 <br>
+But there's no reason good enough not to join us<br>
-TWO-THREE-FIVE<br>
-Got no beard, you've got no beard!<br>
+So sing along with the very last chorus!<br>
+<br>
-You can't sing shanties if you've got no beard!<br>
-Got no beard, you've got no beard!<br>
+Got no beard, you got no beard<br>
-You can't sing shanties if you've got no beard!<br>
+You can't sing shanties if you got no beard<br>
-Got no beard, you've got no beard!<br>
+Got no beard, you got no beard<br>
-You can't sing shanties if you've got no beard!<br>
+You can't sing shanties if you got no beard<br>
-Got no beard, you've got no beard!<br>
+Got no beard, you got no beard<br>
-You can't sing shanties if you've got no beard<br>
+You can't sing shanties if you got no beard<br>
-And you've got two legs, and you can't hold your drink, <br>
+Got no beard, you got no beard<br>
-and you don't own a boat, and you can't shout 'ho!', <br>
+You can't sing shanties if you got no beard<br>
-and you've got no beard!<br>
+And you've got two legs<br>
+And you can't hold your drink<br>
+And you don't own a boat<br>
+And you can't shout ho<br>
+And you got no...<br>
+Beard!
 </blockquote>
+==Recordings==
+====Streaming/Purchase====
+*[https://music.amazon.com/albums/B089N4RL23?marketplaceId=ATVPDKIKX0DER&musicTerritory=US&ref=dm_sh_z6P2SCLUExK24Qv79Jsm9Ownn&trackAsin=B089MZ184W Amazon Music]
+*[https://music.apple.com/us/album/got-no-beard/1515033508?i=1515033759 Apple Music/iTunes]
+*[https://thelongestjohns.bandcamp.com/track/got-no-beard Bandcamp]
+*[https://deezer.page.link/9Sz7fKuF72YSrkyU7 Deezer]
+*[https://pandora.app.link/iCtn21sojpb Pandora]
+*[https://open.spotify.com/track/56aw6f6mcoE1vWCPJ2hkUP?si=72f77bd6e24446e6&nd=1 Spotify]
+====YouTube Videos====
+*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AuPRPazNj_4 Music video]
+*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DrrK8t5G0OQ&list=OLAK5uy_lWd6y-DIhlLdKFDk0TJMpmTARWgGOXGCA&index=11 Album version]
+====Gig Videos====
+*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G9M67ICuCOA&t=2852s Shrewsbury Folk Festival (27 Aug 2021)]
+*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tprYu_im5l0 The Whelan's - Dublin (3 Dec 2021)]
+*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GWLWX5k2gYQ&t=6408s Old Songs (25 Feb 2022)]
+*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7B5K1pFuF0&t=3116s Le Poisson Rouge, NYC (27 Feb 2022)]
+====Full Band Streams====
+*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vXm92NEbl5U&list=PLt4Ofcbsrwx8ncy70o7PZhcTJViZ06_Ae&t=4643s Live Stream, All aboard the Good Ship Valentine(ish) with The Longest Johns (19 Feb 2020)]
+*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9nZIrKQzagc&list=PLt4Ofcbsrwx8ncy70o7PZhcTJViZ06_Ae&t=807s The Longest Johns In Quarantine (after failed intro + love to @El Pony Pisador ) (18 Mar 2020)]
+*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YKxpsPlLVic&list=PLt4Ofcbsrwx8ncy70o7PZhcTJViZ06_Ae&t=7659s The Longest Johns Save the Day! Or maybe just sing and chat... (29 Apr 2020)]
+*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zLc0QX87heI&list=PLt4Ofcbsrwx8ncy70o7PZhcTJViZ06_Ae&t=11858s Album Launch Party! Cures What Ails Ya, Available June 10th (Preorder Now) (10 Jun 2020)]
+*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UGTsUfzXJRs&list=PLt4Ofcbsrwx8ncy70o7PZhcTJViZ06_Ae&t=8542s Carry On My Wayward Stream | Full Band Live Stream!! (16 Sep 2020)]
+*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBMvtYx5KTw&t=11257s Nice Stream Sundae (Wednesday) | The Longest Johns Full Band Stream (1 Sep 2020)]
+*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P9s76OCD6RM&t=1478s Nightmare on Elm Stream | The Longest Johns Full Band Stream (17 Oct 2020)]
+*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UxtdZquQt1A&t=8442s THE SING ALONG! JINGLE JAM 2021 - DAY 6! w/ The Longest Johns (9 Dec 2021)]
+*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UZ8jjvjswYM&t=4626s Ex-Stream Sports | The Longest Johns Full Band Stream (15 Feb 2022)]
+====Gaming Streams====
+*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yKJpq5zktak&list=PLt4Ofcbsrwx-qht-0dvJf89CHqqy4wJbz&t=673s Anyone for a Shanty? | Sea of Thieves Singing Live Stream!! (Part 2) (23 Sep 2020)]
+*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lu97choJG78&list=PLt4Ofcbsrwx-qht-0dvJf89CHqqy4wJbz&t=10325s Sea of Thieves Tall Tales Marathon for Charity : Full VOD Part 2 (24 Jun 2020)]
+*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iyxtpljt8Bc&list=PLt4Ofcbsrwx-qht-0dvJf89CHqqy4wJbz&t=15046s Sea of Sings! 3 2 1 SHANT! - 26/10/2020 Stream Full VOD]
+*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=syg7HljVGPY&list=PLt4Ofcbsrwx-qht-0dvJf89CHqqy4wJbz&t=12060s DROPS! Sea of Sings! with BehavingBeardly! SHANT! - 30/10/2020 Stream Full VOD]
+*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=emqtYthOOEM&list=PLt4Ofcbsrwx-qht-0dvJf89CHqqy4wJbz&t=18932s Sea of Sings! with Spammals! SHANT! - 1/11/2020 Stream Full VOD]
+*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zjwjW6f1Rzk&list=PLt4Ofcbsrwx-qht-0dvJf89CHqqy4wJbz&t=12135s Sea of Adventure with BehavingBeardly - 27/11/2020 Stream Full VOD]
+*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M359oyfj6HY&list=PLt4Ofcbsrwx-qht-0dvJf89CHqqy4wJbz&t=10022s Sea of Hijinks with Freyline - 29/11/2020 Stream Full VOD]
+*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3TRe1Ho-33k&list=PLt4Ofcbsrwx-qht-0dvJf89CHqqy4wJbz&t=6978s Sea of Sings! Pirate malarkey afoot! - 15/01/2021 Stream Full VOD]
+*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6GHejE8nUJY&list=PLt4Ofcbsrwx-qht-0dvJf89CHqqy4wJbz&t=2055s Sea of Sings! Let's get splashy! - 06/02/2021 Stream Full VOD]
+*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJTK2I8gkI0&list=PLt4Ofcbsrwx-qht-0dvJf89CHqqy4wJbz&t=7890s Sea of Sings with Azuki and HappyKrakenX - 08/02/2021 Stream Full VOD]
+*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4EWn9qBvrBU&t=6987s Singing and a'Sailing with RobRaven - 16/08/2021 Stream Full VOD]
 [[Category:Songs]]
-[[Category:TLJ Original]]
+[[Category:Longest Johns Originals]]
-[[Category:Cures What Ails Ya(Album)]]
+[[Category:Cures What Ails Ya]]
+[[Category:Shared Leads]]