The Longest Song Wiki

Written by Saskatchewan singer and song writer Don Freed in 1985 and subsequently popularized by Tom Lewis, this comedic tune has been performed at some Longest Johns shows.

The most recent recording of the track was at the Perranporth Shout in 2014. http://www.perranporthshout.co.uk/


Lyrics

These lyrics are based on the version performed by the Longest Johns in the 2014 Perranporth video, the original lyrics can be found here. Freed's first released recording of the song was a concert performance on the 1992 album Live, Arr! and included three introductory verses in which he paid tribute to his grandfather who, in the song, passes along the pirate's advice.

Being a pirate is all fun and games, 'til somebody loses an ear,
It slips down your neck and onto the deck,
and somebody says: "Wot's this 'ere?"
You can't wear your glasses, you can't 'pull' the lasses,
Your mates have to shout so you'll hear,
(Being a pirate is all fun and games, 'til somebody loses an ear.)

{Chorus}
Oh it's all part of being a pirate (A pirate! A pirate!),
You can't be a pirate with all of your parts,
Oh it's all part of being a pirate (A pirate! A pirate!),
You can't be a pirate with all of your parts.

Being a pirate is all fun and games, 'til somebody loses an eye,
It hurts like the blazes, it makes you make faces,
You can't let your mates see you cry.
You can cover the hatch with a trendy black patch,
And make sure your socket stays dry,
(Being a pirate is all fun and games, 'til somebody loses an eye.)

{Chorus}

Being a pirate is all fun and games, 'til somebody loses a hand,
It squirts and it spurts and it bloody well hurts,
Pain only a pirate could stand,
The fashionable look is a nice metal hook
But then you can't play in the band.
(Being a pirate is all fun and games, 'til somebody loses a hand.)

{Chorus}

Being a pirate is all fun and games, 'til somebody loses a leg,
It hurts like the dickens, your pace never quickens,
You're hobbling around on a peg,
Ask your girl to marry, but too long you've tarried,
'Cos now you can't kneel down and beg,
(Being a pirate is all fun and games, 'til somebody loses a leg.)

{Chorus}

Being a pirate is all fun and games, 'til somebody loses a 'thing',
Though you didn't choose it, you don't want to lose it,
And now when you use it it stings,
You can sew it back on with a needle and thong,
but doesn't quite have that same spring
(Being a pirate is all fun and games, 'til somebody loses a 'thing'.)

{Chorus til finish}